Last week I got a message from someone who reads this literary masterpiece; she thanked me for sharing the fails I have with P, said that I was “brave” for doing so. And that got me thinking about what possesses me to actually do that. There’s the obvious: I mean, if I didn’t share the fails…all these posts would be maybe 25 words and a carefully edited video. And I’m not even good at video editing so it would inevitably be a terrible video.
In case you’re new here, enjoy a snippet of some recent nopes:
In our social media filled world, there’s a tendency to only put the good stuff out there. And that’s ok, too, but it’s not real life. Besides, I’ve met some of you (and hope to meet more!), and don’t want there to be any unrealistic expectations.
I’m a Type A perfectionist through and through, and last year I was driving myself crazy with frustration when it came to riding. So much so that I stopped enjoying it. And the pressure that I put on myself to go ride my horse, even though I didn’t have the time to and frankly didn’t even want to, finally led me to putting him up for sale.
We all know how that turned out- obviously he’s back with me now. And even though things aren’t perfect, I’m trying to turn my attitude about our partnership around. Not saying I don’t get frustrated, but come on….I’m living my younger self’s dream. And younger self would have kicked present day me in the FACE for complaining about my horse. Because I HAVE A HORSE.
So maybe my horse doesn’t put himself on the bit, and yes, he’s spooky and sometimes bolts after a jump, if he didn’t stop at it instead. But still…I have a horse and he’s pretty damn cool.
For example, this is how he meets me at the gate. Every single day.
And this is what he does when I leave. Again, every single day.
This is how he gets on the trailer, even if it’s the 3rd day in a row I’ve asked him to get on and the previous 2 days were for hard jump lessons or long jumper shows.
This is how he treats child riders.
And non-horsey husbands:
He trail rides alone like a champ:
And loves selfies. Seriously, if you hold a camera up in front of you, he’ll come over and stick his face in the screen:
He just loves cameras in general. Like when I’m all focused on the next fence and P is like, “Oh haaiiii there, camera lady. Make sure you get my good side.”
This is he behaves off the property, pretty much anywhere we go. He actually calms ME down at shows because he’s so cool with whatever’s going on.
And this is how we cross the finish flags on XC because he can be SO MUCH FUN:
So there’s a lot to love about this horse. But thanks to my personality, I tend to focus more on the negative than the positive. And an AA + a tricky OTTB? Life DEFINITELY isn’t going to be perfect.
Look, I’m not an incompetent person. I’m very successful in my career, in which I spend 50+ hours a week doing. And in comparison, I ride maybe 4-5 hours/week, sometimes less. So needless to say, I will never be this amazingly perfect rider. And I’ll just have to learn to be ok with that. Unless somehow I win the billionaire jackpot and can just ride horses all day.
I read quite a few other blogs and sometimes get a twinge of jealousy here and there. What’s it like to run around XC without racking up penalties? How did you not chip even just once in your SJ round? And why aren’t you pouring sweat in dressage, trying with all your might to have a smooth downward transition from the canter for once?
But there are those of you that also share the same troubles I do: loss of confidence, asshole horse, feeling inadequate, etc. And I appreciate those the most because I can relate. So if anyone who’s reading this blog for whatever reason can maybe find a tiny bit of solace in the fact that they’re not alone in their troubles, I’m happy to have helped a little. Or given you something to laugh at. Either way.